The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

I have been having a very hard time with my writing lately. Every time I sit down to write this week, I either lacked the motivation and focus to bang out a post, or I’d just straight up hit a wall of horrible writers block. I have a master list of blog ideas that I usually look at and can’t choose where to start because I have too much to say about each topic! However, this week I couldn’t decide what to choose because I felt like I have absolutely nothing to say. It’s been frustrating the hell out of me and I’ve been trying not to beat myself up about it by practicing self care (which has been expensive ?? but don’t tell my boyfriend).  So I decided instead of not posting anything at all this week and continuing to let the writers block control me, I figured I would just sit down this morning and write everything down that’s been on my mind. I said I wanted to be more open and honest, and I meant it. This blog is meant for me to share my life – my real life – and that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. So here goes.

The Good
I found a certificate program I am hoping to take part in. It’s for content writing and that’s specifically the type of writing I’ve wanted to do as a career for a long time now. What is content writing, you may ask? Well, according to one source, “the purpose of content writing is to entertain and entice the online audiences so they stay longer on websites and engage with the brand.” So basically that means everything from blog posts, tweets, Instagram tag lines, online questionnaires, email subscriptions, those overrated Buzzfeed quizzes, and basically everything else you read online is content that needs to be written by someone. What you’re reading right now is content! The certificate program will teach me all the ins and outs of content writing and help me build a portfolio and make the connections I need to start my professional career as a content writer. I’m super excited about it and cannot wait for my acceptance into the program, which I should hear about in two weeks time. Wish me luck!
The Bad
This category is a little harder for me to write about. This is me sharing my real life and while I want to be as open and raw as possible, it still makes me feel vulnerable to do so. Overall, the bad for me has been the black stormy cloud that’s been looming over me for the past month. The reason for it primarily being I’ve been changing my medications lately, trying to find the best mood stabilizer for me, and it’s been so hard! It’s made everything more difficult for me. I feel like the jump around from one medication to the next has contributed to this writers block. Also, at least once a week I have a mental breakdown over how much I can’t stand living in my micro-studio apartment. I try to stay optimistic about my living space, but it’s so hard when I get the place all nicely cleaned and organized, and then I turn around and its a cluttered mess all over again! I haven’t been able to wash my face (outside of when I shower) since moving here due to the never ending mountain of dishes piled in my four-by-two-foot sink providing barely enough room to even wash my hands. On top of all that, my Grammy recently passed away, which is incredibly sad as I miss her terribly, didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, and I’ve been feeling guilty over not really calling her enough this year. I let my real life get in the way of connecting with someone I loved very dearly and now she’s gone. On top of everything, Dylan went out of town for a few days, and during his vacation I had to come to terms over the loss of some of my independence. It’s easy to grow a little bit dependent on your significant other in a new relationship, but I didn’t realize just how much I became dependent. I love my boyfriend very much and enjoy spending all my time with him, but I see now that maybe that isn’t so healthy. I need to figure out things to do on my own or make new friends that are separate from his friends so I can start building my independence again. His three days away just shouldn’t have been as hard as they were, but next time I’m optimistic that it will be easier. I’ve been having a very hard month so perhaps not having my support system around was what made his absence even more difficult.
The Ugly
Fast food and junk food have literally been the bane of my existence lately. I literally feel so gross all the time since I’ve been overeating so much unhealthy food for the past couple months. I’m used to a diet heavily based in veggies, fruit, and occasionally meat. My biggest and most frequent “problem” indulgence used to be my pasta addiction, but now its everything from Star Wars Light Saber Popsicles to Dominos once a week. Its disgusting. I feel disgusting. My face is breaking out, I’m gaining a lot of weight, and quite frankly I’m over it and have been over it. I think my overeating issues has something to do with my depression, since I am an emotional eater. Plus the medication changes must be throwing off my body chemistry perhaps making me crave different things or making my body hang on to fat or bloat more.   My solution to this issue (aka turning the ugly into the pretty), however, involves bullet journaling my way back to health. If you don’t know what a bullet journal is you need to do a little research because they’re really fun, especially if you like journaling or just generally being creative. Part of my recent self care routine has involved decorating and writing in my bullet journal, and its been so soothing.
 So, there you have it. Debra in real life, in the most literal form I can make it. This is literally everything I’ve been going through, everything thats been on my mind. 1,000 words later and my writers block doesn’t seem as bad. If you’re still with me, I appreciate you. This has actually been quite helpful, and I might turn it into a series if I find myself having the same writers block again. If you have any thoughts, comments, or advice, please share in the comments below!

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